Stuck In Life

Question

I'm sure you get these questions all the time. I am 57 years old, almost 58, and am caught in a crossroads of life, that has left me feeling alone, and a failure. Failure in my life, relationships and finances. I can't seem to crawl out of this hole I feel I'm in. Nothing seems to work for me anymore and I don't know where to begin, to make something out of the life I have left. I think my financial state is a direct result of the negative emotions of hypocrisy I am overwhelmed with. I don't have a sense of purpose or passion or energy that works anymore.

Answer

Your question is pretty general so it'll be hard for me to give you advice about specific aspects of your life. Also, my sense is that you are not yet ready to deal with the specific aspects of your life, as you are overwhelmed with negative emotions and thoughts that keep you resigned, depressed and passive.

The first thing I am going to tell you may sound weird or even unbelievable, but it's absolutely true: there is nothing wrong with you or with your life. You came into this world to EXPERIENCE, to GROW and eventually to SERVE YOUR PURPOSE. Everything you have experienced so far, you have experienced in order to GROW, so that you are able to SERVE YOUR PURPOSE.

So my first advice to you is to close your eyes, take a deep breath (actually take several), relax your body, and remind yourself, as many times as needed, that you are EXACTLY where you're supposed to be.

There is no one to blame (including yourself), there is no other place to go to, and there is no other thing to do. There is only one thing to "do", which is be yourself. There is only one place to be, which is exactly where you are right now. The nice thing about it, is that you already have everything you need in order to be you. You actually had it all along.

Now, my guess is that you've been carrying these negative feelings for a awhile now. By now, the state of mind you're in is familiar, and because of that may also feel safe. While parts of you want to transform and change the way things are for you, other parts of you want to keep things exactly the way they are, and it is up to you to LISTEN to all those different voices, responsibly consider what they have to say, and then make a conscious choice that is aligned with who you REALLY are.

And this is where it gets tricky - they don't teach us that in school. Our parents didn't help much either. The government, the media, our family and friends, our bosses - no one can tell us who we really are. It is up to us the figure it out, and the sooner we figure out who we are, the sooner we can figure out what actions we need to take in order to aligned our experience in life with who we are.

So my second advice to you is to focus on three things:

  1. Maintain yourself - while you're working through these issues, make sure that at least thing are not getting any worse. Pay your bills, go to work, return your messages and continue to do those things you need to do in order to maintain your life.
  1. Heal yourself - one baby step at a time - start with the obvious and easier stuff: eat a little healthier, exercise, do yoga, meditate, take walks in nature, watch funny movies, read inspiring books, stay away from people, places and things that drain your energy and keep you down. Start with the little things and with the things that cause you the most grief. See a doctor or a healer and treat those physical things that bother you. These take away from your ability to manage your life.
  1. Find yourself - start visualizing who you want to be and how you want your life to be. I highly recommend that you find somebody to work with, since it so much more difficult to self-reflect on your own, without having a mirror or somebody to bounce ideas and thoughts off of. Believe that you have a purpose, and seek it, constantly, persistently and rigorously.

One last thing - a while back I wrote an article that you may find interesting.

You can find it HERE

Be patient with yourself and with the process, be compassionate with yourself with you fail, celebrate your successes, no matter how small and trivial they seem to you, and - above all - be you!

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