Question
My boyfriend of 13 years broke up with me after cheating about 4 years ago. He claimed it wasn't about the other person but more because we could not get along, he did not want to be in a relationship with anyone and he just needed time and space. We continued to contact each other but he also maintained contact with the other female but always claimed she was not his cup of tea and nothing was going on as I was under the impression that he and I were working towards reconciliation. He has a 2 year old daughter with her now, I still love him very deeply and want a future with him. I am very hurt over everything that has happend and I often feel abandoned, rejected, and alone. He says he still loves me but we haven't even seen each other in months. I can't seem to move on, I don't want to, am I waisting my prayers and time?
Answer
Kabbalah teaches us that we came here for the purpose of doing "TIKUN", which is the Hebrew word for correction. Our soul chose, ahead of time, the exact people and circumstances it would need in order to experience the opportunities to make this correction.
I would recommend to modify your prayers slightly, so that instead of making it about him, you'll make it about you and your journey of spiritual growth.
The reason you were attracted to your ex-boyfriend is because his unique combination of history, personality, physical appearance etc provided an opportunity for you to learn something about yourself and correct a certain aspect of your soul.
The fact that this has been going on for a long time, and has cause you plenty of pain and agony, shows that the potential correction is huge, so the good news is that when you break through this tunnel of darkness, a lot of light will be revealed to you. The sooner you do that, the longer you'll have to enjoy this light, possibly for the rest of your life.
Sometimes, you end up being together with the person who was places in your way to give you the opportunity for correction. More often, that person is only there to show you, as a mirror, certain aspects of your being that need to be transformed. Once you transform, once you get the lesson, the attraction usually disappears and you are ready for closure, for letting go and for moving on to find the next relationship.
I would imagine, based on your description, that in your case you would eventually let go of these person. Based on your description, it'll be close to impossible to re-build the relationship with the level of trust and love that is required for a healthy and long-term relationship.
As I said above, I would focus my prayers on asking for guidance and looking for the lessons you were given out of this relationship. When you understand how your ex-boyfriend provided (unknowingly, of course) the circumstances for your spiritual growth, not only you will be able to release and let go, you would also experience a sense of gratitude for the service he performed for you.
Without knowing all the facts or talking to you directly, I can only make guesses and assumptions. However, it seems to me like the key issue has actually nothing to do with your ex-boyfriend (which is often the case - the same way a mirror can only show you a reflection of you, you see yourself reflected by the people around you).
I believe the key issue has everything to do with you "often feel abandoned, rejected, and alone". I suggest that if you take a hard and close look at yourself throughout your life, and even before you met this person, you would find out these feelings were always there.
It is easier to feel "abandoned, rejected, and alone" by a cheating ex-boyfriend. By blaming your emotions on him, you give up your responsibility for your own emotions. However, you are also giving up your power and ability to create your life the way you want.
The truth is, most likely, that you feel "abandoned, rejected, and alone" regardless of other people. That suggests you have low self esteem, and that you don't respect and love yourself.
So my advice to you is to focus on re-inventing your relationship with yourself:
- Ask yourself often: "How am I feeling now? what would make me happy, relaxed and comfortable"
- Don't be afraid to celebrate the small things: go watch a movie by yourself, go get a massage, take a hike, talk a walk on the beach, give yourself a babble bath
- Use prayers and meditation to have real conversations with yourself - what do you want out of life? what kind of person you would like to be? What kind of people you would want to have around you?
And always remind yourself this:
You are a goddess. You are here on this Earth to share your unique gift with the people around you. Everything and everybody around you are standing by to serve you on your spiritual growth. The Universe is constantly making everything you'll ever need available to you. Life was meant to be beautiful, effortless and amazing.
Align yourself with this way of thinking, and it will become a reality for you.
